...music like this

music like this makes the world seem more interesting and exotic than it really is. it is ethereal and fleeting. in it, i can see stars twinkle and flurries drift and scatter. i sense the warm pulse at the center throb, crossing paths with the cold and nothing. a yin and yang of sorts. everything becomes soft and wavering, no longer delineated by sharp edges and hard lines. winks and nods are given in a warm flush of blood and eyelashes against soft cheeks. it's a promise, fingers crossed behind your back. sly as a hummingbird, quick as a lightning bolt. a pink smudge of clouds gives a slight indication. the city has begun to dream and settles with a soft sigh and the cadence of breath that only comes with a sound sleep. creaking joints and crossbeams relax, give way, settle with a muffled crack, pop. Ghostly withered leaves like age spotted, fragile hands spiral and dip, fluttering in an infinite dance of sky, earth, breath, and space. sometimes you can even see the stars during the day.

....about summertime in the city

Yeah yeah, where do I start? Summer is almost half over. It's been great albeit very poor. I have started some paintings I have always wondered if I was able to transfer my style and designs to a canvas and paint. Turns out I can. Kind of well actually. It's exciting. Aaron helped me set up a painting desk in the bedroom. I look forward to it. Drawing is my usual forte, but the whole painting thing is pretty fun, I'm not gonna lie. Eventually I would like to get a decent digital camera so I can start posting some blogspot pictures of cool stuff. Like al the stars that are hanging from my ceiling. Or the painting I did above my bed. Eh. That takes money, which is always in short supply.

Speaking of money: Guess who paid off their IKEA card! One card down, three more to go. I am trying to concentrate on one at a time, starting with the smallest, so I don't over stretch myself. So IKEA down, that leaves Mastercard, Capital One, Kohl's, and Visa. Mastercard is the next one to go. I have already cut all these cards up so I cannot add to them, only subtract. There is only 300 left on Mastercard so that is the next one to go.

Aaron and I have decided that we need to be more healthy. We have both gained at least 20 pounds since we first met. So we are not eating out. And we are taking Max for long walks very other day. Today's goal is twice around Liberty Park. Max is a fatty pants dog so he needs the exercise too. A fatty pants but a CUTIE pants. He is giving me puppy dog eyes as I write this. If only I could get him to be nice to people and other dogs. For some reason he looks at little kids and thinks, "Intruder!!! Must bark profusely and look threatening" I am trying to socialize him, keeping him on a short leash, holding him when people pet him. I have been reading stuff online about socializing dogs and I am taking the advice but he is just making such slow progress. Well I guess slow progress is better than no progress.

Speaking of Aaron....LOVE him. We want to get married and have a family and buy a house together. We want to get a Great Dane and build a treehouse in the backyard. It's a dream for the future. Now is not the time, for several reasons but it's fun to plan ahead. I have never loved someone so much. I have never been so excited for the future with someone. He told me he wants to grow old with me. We go together so well. Like pieces of a puzzle. It's so much fun. And can I just say how hot he looks when he plays the drums. Whew.

So Jen had this super brilliant idea a few months ago. This idea was to have a ladies brunch the first Sunday of every month. We have met for three months now. I look forward to it every month. One new person has come each month so now it's up to six of us. We always meet somewhere and eat lunch and plan to hang out for a few hours which usually turns into like 5. And 5 still doesn't feel long enough sometimes. I love it! We have always been friends but more of a disparate group of friends. We rarely rarely ever saw everyone all together at the same time. But now we know that once a month at least we will. And I think it is making us better friends. I love my girls! Yesterday I went to Michelle's after work for her birthday and watched Twilight, wait let me clarify, mocked Twilight. And seriously, Massimo and Mariana are the cutest kids ever in the whole world. I just want to squeeze their cheeks. And I hope when I have kids, I can be a mother like Michelle. I admire her devotion and love and nurturing and good humor. Plus, I have known Michelle for like 7 years so I know how bad ass she is too. And today....Harry Potter! Which reminds me, I need to give Michelle her birthday present today. I forgot it last night.

And I have to admit, I'm pretty excited for school this year. PS I am now a Level II teacher. Which basically means I'm legit. Yeah. And I got an award of Excellence for my PRAXIS II test. Because I'm bomb at bullshitting. Each year I get better and I'm excited to try out some new ideas this year. I'm in the best time of my life, seriously. I love my job and have a steady paycheck, I adore my boyfriend, I have awesome friends, a rad dog, a cool house. Compared to a year ago, I'm like a different person. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I worked hard and put up with a lot of shitznit to get here. And it's only going to get better because I am a stronger person now.

...

A former student just saw me in the store. And said hi. While I was picking out condoms.

...about recently

Yay for summer!

7 more days of school. Then I will be a Level II teacher which means I successfully completed three years of teaching. Weird. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I had to take the PRAXIS II test recently. It was a really hard, really long, really expensive test but guess who rocked it! That's right! I needed to get a 160 to pass and I got a 189. Above average in every category. I'm so relieved, I stressed about that test.

So, now that I have almost finished with three years of teaching junior high, what have I learned? Hmmm. What haven't I learned should be the question. I have learned that the most important trait a teacher can possess is a sense of humor. The second most important would be adaptability. I have learned that grading papers sucks but making art with seventh graders rocks. I have learned that you never get used to being to school by 7:30 and that it is very difficult to keep a classroom well organized and clean. I have learned that ninth graders can be much smarter than adults and much sillier and more ridiculous than children and sometimes both at the same time. I have learned how to answer the exact same question in 16 different ways and that no matter how many times you remind them about a due date, someone will forget. "My printer doesn't work" is the new "my dog ate my homework." And even if you write the page number on the board, someone will ask, "What page are we on?" I have learned that sometimes I love being a teacher and sometimes I hate being a teacher and sometimes both on the same day. I have seen the same inappropriate picture drawn 700 different ways and heard every insult I ever thought was possible. This gig is by far the most interesting, most challenging I have ever endeavored in my life. But I like it. I think I will stick around.

Aaron and I will be together 4 months at the end of this month. I love him with all my heart. I love everything about him. Even the things that drive me crazy. I have never felt so loved and appreciated and happy with someone in my whole life. I am crazy about that boy.

...about turning 28 among other things

-I turned 28 on Friday March 13. We went to dinner at Blue Plate, then bowling then drank at my house. A lot of people who said they would stop by ditched out but I expect that from people now. Especially at my age. The most important people in my life were there though so that's what matters. I have some truly wonderful people in my life. People who still talk to me even when I manage to completely humiliate myself by waking up everyone in the room by ripping a fart. Yep. Bodily noises that occur during sleep do not count because we have no control over such things in times of unconsciousness but still, it's embarassing. Oh well, I'm over it.

-Some fantastic news. The stupid fucking DWA, otherwise known as, the Direct Writing Assessment, otherwise known as big pain in my ass is gone forever! The legislature voted to get rid of it. Praise the Lord, someone finally saw the light! I hate that test. I don't think it possible to judge writing ability based on ONE essay written on ONE topic on ONE day. Writing is a developmental and subjective skill. Some days we are one our A game and sometimes we really suck. How can one standardized writing test, graded by anonymous outsiders judge writing skill? I am not a fan of the standardized tests. But really, is any public school teacher? I helped test ESL students recently on their English speaking/reading/listening/writing ability. It was supposed to measure how well they understand the language but it was all comprehension, logic based questions. I just don't get it. So anyway, I don't have to worry about the DWA again. There will be some kind of writing assessment but it's going to be in the 8th grade. Why does this rock? Because I teach 9th grade! haha! Well, and it will be a yearlong, formative type assessment which I think will be much better. I really do need to figure out how to teach writing though. On this computer program we use, my kids have the lowest scores. Teaching writing is not my skill as an English teacher and it is something I really need to develop.

-Speaking of teaching, my favorite thing to hear a student say EVER is this: "OHHHH! I GET it!!!" I taught the color wheel to my 7th graders and they were so proud of themselves when they figured out how to make tertiary colors using only red, blue and yellow colored pencils.

-Speaking of favorite things ever, I am in love. Totally. In a way I never imagined was possible. Now I know what it can be like. I'm blissfully happy and exquisitely miserable. On fire and melting at the same time. He is my all time favorite accidental genius.

-I'm so happy. I'm disorganized and have a messy room and have lots of grading to catch up on and have laundry to do and have not made a lesson plan for tomorrow and missed class tonight but I am happy. Yay for freedom and love and Prozac!