Two posts in one day, I must be losing my mind. I went to my Color Theory class tonight and I think it was just what I needed. Some peace and quiet, listening to Sigur Ros, painting and drawing. No students, no DWA, no grading. I feel better. And calmer. I talked to my mom on the way to school and Aaron on the way home and I'm cool now. I will give the stupid standaradized test tomorrow, cross my fingers, hope for the best, deal with the consequences and do a better job next year. It will be ok.
J called me tonight to talk about switching my brother's name to the lease. It was kind of awkward. It made me realize just how much better it is that we don't live near each other anymore. We were just so wrong for each other. I care about him, I want him to be happy and do well in life but I do not love him. He wants me to but I don't anymore. I haven't for a while. I have found me again and I'm so happy where I'm at right now. I can't imagine ever going back.
I just can't wait until A comes over tomorrow night. I just want to hold him.
Technically I need to go to the grocery store and do some dishes and get ready for tomorrow. But I think maybe I will just crawl into my cloud bed and go to sleep early.
First, a dream. In this dream, I live on a beach in a little cottage with one room that is an art studio. This cottage has huge windows with lots of natural light. There are white cotton curtains in the windows that blow in the salt breeze. My walls are painted with bright swirls and pretty designs. There are different colored glasses on the windowsills that reflect the light. Saints candles and Marys line the cabinets. In the front room, the walls are covered with bookcases and the table is stacked with art books. There is no TV. The couch is lime green. I have a porch with a swing. And on the porch are the shells and driftwood I have collected from my walks in the sand with my dog. My bed is piled with pillows. My appliances are that weird pink color from the seventies and my counters are tile. I have a claw foot bathtub that is deep enough and long enough for all of me. I never turn on the bright lights because I have paper lamps and strings of fairy lights strung around every room. In my kitchen, I make cookies for my neighbors and dinner for my friends. I have a motley collection of wine glasses and coffee mugs collected from antique stores and we sip on sweet Communion wine or cordials of absinthe or dark, strong coffee. There are sugar cubes in a little glass on the table, next to the mismatched salt and pepper shakers. Folded paper cranes hang from the rafters in the dining room and painted stars from the ones in the bedroom. There are plants in every room and hanging from the ceiling. My house is filled with light and music and art. It smells like chocolate chip cookies and coffee and paint and lilacs. In my yard are lilac bushes and a collection of garden gnomes. My door is painted robin's egg blue. I buy art from local artists and vegetables from an outdoor market. I ride my bike to school. I am surrounded by the people I love. *sigh*
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