The test is done! The test is done! The teeeeest is doooonnnnneeeee! That was my written version of bursting into song. I don't know how well we did but at least it's over. I could dance with joy. And my kids really did try their hardest. So I am making them cookies. Which I am technically not supposed to do because I can only give them storebought treats but I will make them and bring them and let the students decide what if they want to eat one or not. But I like making cookies and I like sharing them so I will just make a whole bunch and share them with everyone. I don't know what's going to happen with the stupid standardized writing test but I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now if only I could get paid because I am brizzoke and that's a weight that's starting to get kind of heavy. But that's three days from now so I will be ok. I will just be buying gas with quarters to get to class Wednesday night. After all that stressing about the test, I don't think there is much that could freak me out right now. I have stacks of grading to do and a review assignment to write and a spelling/grammar unit to plan and a house to clean and I don't mind. I feel so much better now that the test is done. I feel like I can get back to work. Like, ok, I dropped the ball a bit on this year but I will do better. I will fix it. I'm not a total failure. I know I'm a cool teacher but I care more about being a GOOD teacher. And I think I could be. I think I'm learning and I'm getting better every day. I'm not an expert. I have barely survived almost three years. That's nothing in teaching. That's scraping the top. And I'm ok with it. I'm glad to be learning and growing and getting better and trying harder and changing things around and trying new things. It's fun and interesting. And challenging. And a pain in the ass. But worth it. I really care about what I do. It's not just a job to me. I want to do my best. Be my best. I'm truly such a blessed person. I have so much support and love. People who care about me and encourage me and have faith in me. People who trust me. It's intimidating actually but I would not change it for the world. It just makes me want to be a person worthy of that faith and trust and support.
I feel so light today. So new and bright. I have so much to do. So much to accomplish. But I'm not freaking out about it. I will get it. I will make it happen. I am getting better about having that faith and trust in myself.
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