2.23.2010
S L to the Cizzle yo!
As we made our way back from my brother's wedding in California an crested the hills out of western Utah, I saw an amazing sight. The lights of Salt Lake City burning dully through the brown smudge of smog. Ah, it's good to be home. I was so inspired by this sight that I wrote a new song. It goes to the tune of Oklahoma, like from the musical, not the football team. "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT Lake City, where the beer is only half as strong, and the lake sure stinks and the smog, it reeks, but I still like to call it HOOOOOME!"
2.17.2010
!!! or You all heard it here first
So we leave in about five hours to drive to California for my brother's wedding. I don't know what time it is there but it is about 11 pm here. Five hours from now is about 3am. 3 AM?!?! I don't even know what 3 am looks like anymore. Gone are the days of my carefree youth and five hour sleep cycle. If I only sleep five hours now, I am one grumpy teacher and grumpy teacher ain't pretty. I'm just not a young pup anymore. If I stay up too late, I pay for it. So now that I cant stay up late anymore, I should be able to get up earlier right? That's how getting older works isn't it? WRONG! So apparently, getting older for me means just getting lazier. And more tired. This does not seem fair to me. I think that if I have to give up my late nights, I should at least gain early mornings. It's only even. But nooooo. I go to bed at a reasonable hour like the good responsible person that I am* and I get my eight blissful hours of sleep. Yet, when the alarm goes off, it might as well be a surprise test of the emergency broadcast system. SURPRISE!!!! I AM BLARING HORRIBLE COMPUTER GENERATED RINGTONES INTO YOUR EAR! Nothing. I might as well be hibernating. I can remember my mom puling the covers off of me and threatening cold water on the first day of junior high. What kid sleeps through the first day of junior high? Unfortunately, they learn soon enough that they will wish they slept through junior high. Or there are those who WILL actually sleep through junior high. But I digress. So, now, I have this after FIVE hours no FOUR hours of sleep. This ain't gonna be pretty folks.
*My students and I have long agreed that modern socety is in desperate need of a sarcastic mark. Like a question mark but for when you are being a smart ass. W have even had discussion about what said mark would look like. How, in this age of facebook and sliced Wonder bread do we not have a sarcastic mark? Tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm not and you know it. Let me show you what I mean. Example text conversation:
You: So, I think we should train for a marathon.
Me: Yeah, ok
You: Really?
Me: No
Now, if after the yeah, ok I could just insert a little sarcasm mark, I would have eliminated two whole unnecessary texts thus saving me about 4.2 seconds of precious time. Do you see the importance of this? Amazing what you can do with 4.2 seconds. You could take like 3 steps or fart or even spit out your toothpaste. I'm telling you, this idea is going to make me famous. It will be the MsH mark. (I don't know ho to pronounce that either but we will make do kind of like that band called "!!!")
*My students and I have long agreed that modern socety is in desperate need of a sarcastic mark. Like a question mark but for when you are being a smart ass. W have even had discussion about what said mark would look like. How, in this age of facebook and sliced Wonder bread do we not have a sarcastic mark? Tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm not and you know it. Let me show you what I mean. Example text conversation:
You: So, I think we should train for a marathon.
Me: Yeah, ok
You: Really?
Me: No
Now, if after the yeah, ok I could just insert a little sarcasm mark, I would have eliminated two whole unnecessary texts thus saving me about 4.2 seconds of precious time. Do you see the importance of this? Amazing what you can do with 4.2 seconds. You could take like 3 steps or fart or even spit out your toothpaste. I'm telling you, this idea is going to make me famous. It will be the MsH mark. (I don't know ho to pronounce that either but we will make do kind of like that band called "!!!")
2.16.2010
Saturn and your anus or Turning 29
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The purpose of posting today was to make a list. That was before I discovered the joy of tangents. I'm fond of lists. I like to make them and then immediately forget about them. This list is my 28 things to do before I turn 29. So, I have heard that 29 is the worst year of your life. From several sources. Supposedly Saturn comes out of your anus or something and I go crazy(er). Hence, the list. And it has a theme. It is titled, "28 Supposedly Semi Sane Things To Do Before I Go Crazy at 29." I have a month so I had to keep it simple. You understand.
1. Paint a wall in my new house bright green.
2. Find five more letterboxes.
3. Take a nap.
4. Clean my classroom.
5. Write a letter to someone who lives in a different state.
6. Paint a big painting.
Ummmmmm.......I'm running out of ideas. 28 is a lot of shit to do. And I'm not that motivated I guess. Maybe my list should be six things to do before I turn 29.
7. Go to Lava Hot Springs for a good sulfur soak.
8. Buy more plants for my classroom.
9. Hmmm......make my bed.
10. Sew a pillow
11. Get a massage
12. Write a haiku (I'm getting desperate here, can you tell?)
13. Read a whole book
14. Update my class blog
15. Find a photobooth and take some photobooth pictures
16. Have a housewarming/dinner party
17. 80s night at Area 51....throwback ya'll
18. Clean my car
19. Find something new and awesome to collect that no one else is collecting like vintage irons or something weird
Oh my God, there's still like 47 to go! I'm running out of ideas!
20. Eat at the Hi Hat Diner in Sunset
21. Make a pie from scratch
22. Eat some fruits and veggies(and Doritos or Sunny D do not count!)
23. Figure out how to teach Latin and Greek roots without putting my students to sleep
24. Light a candle at the Mary Tree
25. Draw the letter R in my alphabet series
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Damn! 29 sucks already!!!!! It's so many numbers! What am I going to do when I'm like 65? I can't think of that many things to do!
26. Get my drivers license back(apparently I am a failure at life and forgot to show proof of insurance in 2008 so now the state of utah is trying to steal my soul or something)
27. Do another dance in the woods and take a Polaroid of it
This is the last one, that means it has to be good. I don't work well under pressure. Actually, I work better under pressure that's why I never finish anything unless it has to be done RIGHT NOW but still, my point remains. I don't know if I can handle this much expectation. What to do? I know!.....
28. Watch the three original Star Wars movies!
This, my friends, is a bomb(as in THE bomb, or BOB-omb if you will, not dynamite) list. I do believe documentation is in order.
1. Paint a wall in my new house bright green.
2. Find five more letterboxes.
3. Take a nap.
4. Clean my classroom.
5. Write a letter to someone who lives in a different state.
6. Paint a big painting.
Ummmmmm.......I'm running out of ideas. 28 is a lot of shit to do. And I'm not that motivated I guess. Maybe my list should be six things to do before I turn 29.
7. Go to Lava Hot Springs for a good sulfur soak.
8. Buy more plants for my classroom.
9. Hmmm......make my bed.
10. Sew a pillow
11. Get a massage
12. Write a haiku (I'm getting desperate here, can you tell?)
13. Read a whole book
14. Update my class blog
15. Find a photobooth and take some photobooth pictures
16. Have a housewarming/dinner party
17. 80s night at Area 51....throwback ya'll
18. Clean my car
19. Find something new and awesome to collect that no one else is collecting like vintage irons or something weird
Oh my God, there's still like 47 to go! I'm running out of ideas!
20. Eat at the Hi Hat Diner in Sunset
21. Make a pie from scratch
22. Eat some fruits and veggies(and Doritos or Sunny D do not count!)
23. Figure out how to teach Latin and Greek roots without putting my students to sleep
24. Light a candle at the Mary Tree
25. Draw the letter R in my alphabet series
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Damn! 29 sucks already!!!!! It's so many numbers! What am I going to do when I'm like 65? I can't think of that many things to do!
26. Get my drivers license back(apparently I am a failure at life and forgot to show proof of insurance in 2008 so now the state of utah is trying to steal my soul or something)
27. Do another dance in the woods and take a Polaroid of it
This is the last one, that means it has to be good. I don't work well under pressure. Actually, I work better under pressure that's why I never finish anything unless it has to be done RIGHT NOW but still, my point remains. I don't know if I can handle this much expectation. What to do? I know!.....
28. Watch the three original Star Wars movies!
This, my friends, is a bomb(as in THE bomb, or BOB-omb if you will, not dynamite) list. I do believe documentation is in order.
...my weiner dog has a napoleon complex
Seriously. That's all I have to say about that.
Second. We are moving into a new house. About 500 dollars cheaper. See the house that's kind of dumpy with the random refrigerator in the yard? That's our new place. It's a fixer upper. And I gotta admit, I'm digging the idea of a challenge as far as house decorating goes. I have a cool place right now. It was cool before I got to it so there was not much I could do. It was a bit intimidating. That's why two years later, I still have not finished the painting I started in the hallway. But this new one....it is not cool to begin with. Well, not cool in the whoa, you live in an old warehouse with brick walls and rafters kind of cool. But a unique, has potential, smells like chihuahuas and old cigarettes kind of cool. It's something I can work with. I however am not a patient person and want to get in there and get started right now. But I have to wait until the end of the month, which is the one time each 30 days the good ol government blesses me with my daily bread. Which means my current residence looks a bit like the electronics and toy section of the thrift store right now. And I don't mean that in a good way.
And I started letterboxing. Which is awesome. Because I feel like a pirate hunting for treasure. Minus the wooden leg and eminent danger of course. When I found the very first letterbox we went looking for, I literally busted into dance moves in the middle of the woods. Is there anything better than dancing so hard you bonk your head on a tree limb and see stars for 3 weeks? No, there's not. Believe me, I know. So now I have a new hobby. Like I needed another one. Plus, surviving the wilderness of Wheeler Historic Farm is good training for when the zombies attack(see previous post).
Sometimes I wish my life was more interesting. So I would have something to blog about. Is that bad? Some days I wish I could log onto blogspot an write something like, "OMG I totally backflipped into a Hummer while doing wheelies on my Vespa today." Or something similar. But no. Instead I log on to write things like, "Today, I went over a scene summary of Romeo and Juliet and we decided to make the play into a Mob story like the Sopranos and gave all the characters Mob names like Jules and Benny and Mr. T." Well, maybe that's kind of interesting. But you know what I mean. Sometimes I wonder if I need a theme. Like a "Eat a different candy bar everyday and blog about it" kind of theme. Oh wait, I got it.....drink a different kind of beer everyday and blog about it. Now, that's something I can get into. The problem is, I know me. Most of the time. And I don't do good with goal setting and remembering and being organized and stuff. Hell, I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth twice a day. (Hey, I never said I wasn't disgusting). And makeup? Everyday? Right.....yeah that happens. HAHA!
Do you remember the teacher who rushed in at the last bell with a giant cup of sugared up coffee and wonky hair while digging around in her purse for the classroom key? The one who hauls a giant bag of grading home every night only to lug the exact same bag of UNgraded stuff back to school the next day? Yep, that's me. Hi, nice to meet you. That bag I mentioned is sitting on the floor right next to my couch as I type. I am in charge of the future. Don't you feel secure in the knowledge that I have the task of molding young minds? Sometimes I feel more like a mad scientist than a teacher. "Today, I'm going to give you this ball of clay, some sharp objects, a Magic marker and a copy of I Am The Cheese. Let's see what happens!" I think my favorite teacher phrase is, "Think of it as a creative challenge." Which is basically my way of saying, "I don't know what to tell you and have no answer for your question." or "I'm typing an unnecessary email, leave me alone." The great thing is, though, that I'm not just an English teacher, I'm an Art teacher. And everyone knows that art teachers can get away with whatever they want. "Hmmm, bright red hair, tattoos, vacant expression......you must be..... the art teacher." I gotta tell ya, I feel for you math teachers, you just don't get the freedom of....ahem....expression.....that us art teachers get. It's actually quite liberating. I can get away with moving my desks around every week. I'm the art teacher. "Oh, it's ok officer, I'm allowed to drive on whichever side of the street I want, I'm an art teacher." I am allowed to hang fifty million paper hearts from the ceiling. I'm an art teacher. I'm allowed to wear brown shoes with a black dress. I'm an art teacher. I can drink coffee all day and eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a Ziploc baggie while listening to Blonde Redhead. I'm an art teacher. Wow, you know, I just realized how good I have it.
Second. We are moving into a new house. About 500 dollars cheaper. See the house that's kind of dumpy with the random refrigerator in the yard? That's our new place. It's a fixer upper. And I gotta admit, I'm digging the idea of a challenge as far as house decorating goes. I have a cool place right now. It was cool before I got to it so there was not much I could do. It was a bit intimidating. That's why two years later, I still have not finished the painting I started in the hallway. But this new one....it is not cool to begin with. Well, not cool in the whoa, you live in an old warehouse with brick walls and rafters kind of cool. But a unique, has potential, smells like chihuahuas and old cigarettes kind of cool. It's something I can work with. I however am not a patient person and want to get in there and get started right now. But I have to wait until the end of the month, which is the one time each 30 days the good ol government blesses me with my daily bread. Which means my current residence looks a bit like the electronics and toy section of the thrift store right now. And I don't mean that in a good way.
And I started letterboxing. Which is awesome. Because I feel like a pirate hunting for treasure. Minus the wooden leg and eminent danger of course. When I found the very first letterbox we went looking for, I literally busted into dance moves in the middle of the woods. Is there anything better than dancing so hard you bonk your head on a tree limb and see stars for 3 weeks? No, there's not. Believe me, I know. So now I have a new hobby. Like I needed another one. Plus, surviving the wilderness of Wheeler Historic Farm is good training for when the zombies attack(see previous post).
Sometimes I wish my life was more interesting. So I would have something to blog about. Is that bad? Some days I wish I could log onto blogspot an write something like, "OMG I totally backflipped into a Hummer while doing wheelies on my Vespa today." Or something similar. But no. Instead I log on to write things like, "Today, I went over a scene summary of Romeo and Juliet and we decided to make the play into a Mob story like the Sopranos and gave all the characters Mob names like Jules and Benny and Mr. T." Well, maybe that's kind of interesting. But you know what I mean. Sometimes I wonder if I need a theme. Like a "Eat a different candy bar everyday and blog about it" kind of theme. Oh wait, I got it.....drink a different kind of beer everyday and blog about it. Now, that's something I can get into. The problem is, I know me. Most of the time. And I don't do good with goal setting and remembering and being organized and stuff. Hell, I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth twice a day. (Hey, I never said I wasn't disgusting). And makeup? Everyday? Right.....yeah that happens. HAHA!
Do you remember the teacher who rushed in at the last bell with a giant cup of sugared up coffee and wonky hair while digging around in her purse for the classroom key? The one who hauls a giant bag of grading home every night only to lug the exact same bag of UNgraded stuff back to school the next day? Yep, that's me. Hi, nice to meet you. That bag I mentioned is sitting on the floor right next to my couch as I type. I am in charge of the future. Don't you feel secure in the knowledge that I have the task of molding young minds? Sometimes I feel more like a mad scientist than a teacher. "Today, I'm going to give you this ball of clay, some sharp objects, a Magic marker and a copy of I Am The Cheese. Let's see what happens!" I think my favorite teacher phrase is, "Think of it as a creative challenge." Which is basically my way of saying, "I don't know what to tell you and have no answer for your question." or "I'm typing an unnecessary email, leave me alone." The great thing is, though, that I'm not just an English teacher, I'm an Art teacher. And everyone knows that art teachers can get away with whatever they want. "Hmmm, bright red hair, tattoos, vacant expression......you must be..... the art teacher." I gotta tell ya, I feel for you math teachers, you just don't get the freedom of....ahem....expression.....that us art teachers get. It's actually quite liberating. I can get away with moving my desks around every week. I'm the art teacher. "Oh, it's ok officer, I'm allowed to drive on whichever side of the street I want, I'm an art teacher." I am allowed to hang fifty million paper hearts from the ceiling. I'm an art teacher. I'm allowed to wear brown shoes with a black dress. I'm an art teacher. I can drink coffee all day and eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a Ziploc baggie while listening to Blonde Redhead. I'm an art teacher. Wow, you know, I just realized how good I have it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)