...ok

I've spent the majority of the day being mopey and depressed. Wait, what have I done today, really? Now that I think about it I really honestly have not done anything today. I went to Wild Oats for black pepper cashews and a chocolate chip zucchini muffin. I watched 27 Dresses. I started a new book and got to pg 57. I took a shower. I let Jason take pictures of me so he could practice with his new flash unit. I don't mind being the model because then I get good pictures of myself. And I smoked two cigarettes, despite the fact that I technically quit smoking a while ago. I think if I add all that up, it does not amount to the nine hours I have been awake. So what did I do for the other few hours? I do not know. It doesn't matter now.

I do feel much better right now though, than I have all day. That's because I deleted someone from my phone. So I cannot message him even if I wanted to. And I feel like I purged myself of an uncomfortable situation. I think I have decided that I am not ready to date anyone quite yet. I am not in the right frame of mind for it. I will just overanalyze everything and make myself and the other person crazy. Which is what I did in this case. Whew. It's refreshing to get that confession off my chest. Here it is again, in case anyone missed it: I AM AN OVERANALYTCAL, SELF CONSCIOUS, OBNOXIOUS, IMPATIENT PERSON AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE. I read too much into things, I get too attached, I try too hard, I move too fast, I take things too personally, I talk too much, I apologize too much, I am not good at maintaining a sense of mystery, I don't play hard to get, and I spend most of my time doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and usually with the wrong person. There you have it. The honest to God truth. He is a really cool guy and I was not the cool girl he deserved. And that's ok. Another lesson to be chalked up next to the thousands of others. Maybe someday I will get it.
Thank GOD for dark beer, cigarettes, and everyone who puts up with my bullshit, including but not limited to, Tanica, Jason, Michelle, Andrew, and my mom.

Oh and thank God school is out because I think I would be the most frazzled, grumpy teacher ever right now because of these reasons: Red Lobster, moving, waiting for my place, packing, artist block, money, and this whole guy thing. One at a time these are easy things but all at the same time makes for one unhappy Miss H. Although, actually, if I was completely honest, my students are probably exactly what I need right now. They always know how to make me laugh or feel better. And school keeps me busy and preoccupied. I remember a really bad day and C, one of my seventh graders, says, "Miss H, you don't seem as happy as you usually are." I say, "It's true C. I just feel down today for some reason." His response, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day Miss H. But it's ok to have a bad day sometimes though, everybody does. We understand, we have bad days too. Want me to make up a joke to help you feel better?" Ok, I just made myself miss school. I wonder what words of wisdom C would have for me about having a bad MONTH.